A Ghost Story

I could have guessed your reaction almost immediately. I put a picture of the radio on my Snapchat story today. The song? Breakeven by the Script. Only this version was acoustic, a Coffee House Exlusive. I tried to pass it off as “wow I love acoustic versions of songs!” I even followed it with another acoustic version, a song I’ve never heard of. I baited you into it. You would see it, because it’s your favorite band and you can’t help but know what I’ve posted. But no matter what I post, whether it be a song that reminds me of you, some lyrics on an Instagram photo; “it’s too much” would escape your lips. It’s too much.

Funny, I would have thought that right when we started dating. I’m always going to be too much. I am a creature bound by the doctrine of endless love and hope, of course I’m too much. But I feel like I’m never enough. That’s why you’re gone. I was too much, but not enough of what you needed. Just of what I wanted to give you.

I will be nothing more than a ghost story one day. I will be nothing but an echo of the life I lived so loudly. The ink stained pages that poured from my soul, the sound of my voice, the way I touched you will all be muffled by the cries of the progressing future. I loved too much, I will always love too much and it well end me. I will end me. I cannot stop myself from myself.  I will always be too much because I do not fit in to my skin, I do not fit in to your preconceived ideas of who you want me to be so I will always try too hard. And if you cannot handle it, then imagine how I feel. Imagine how being too much is to your own god damn self. Maybe then will you have the courage to face your biggest fear and tell the story of the ghost that haunts every moment of your life.

Me being too much is you coping with thinking of not being enough. 

No wonder we were too good to be true. 

We’ve always been the same person.

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