Pulling Weeds

 

I began with her. She was the first weed I pulled from our garden. She is the one who first made the mark on my skin. She was the one who shifted me into a person I never wanted to be. She was someone you never trusted, someone I tried to help. You win again my love, and thus I have taken her out by the root. She will be no more, no more in our lives, for she would only ever be bitter at us, at you and I. She tried to make me feel guilty for loving you. I took that away, yanked it from her grasp and reclaimed it, for loving you is something I shall never be sorry for.

Next was him, the one who I first fell victim to. I should never have made you invisible the first day of school. You should have always been someone to be flaunted. I promise never to make that mistake again, for I am proud of you and proud to be with you. I will never hide that again. I will never hide you again. The beginning of that first year, I was someone who I should never have been. I lied my way through which only hurt me and then you, and finally us. Though I cannot go back in time, I can burn the bridges that were built. I will prevent them from ever stepping foot in our garden. So he was next, the next weed I pulled. I tore it from the roots, killing the invader with my hands, and the tips if my fingers on a phone screen. I told him of a love I had never lost, a love I had always felt, and a love that will never cease. I told him of us and you and the love that continues to grow. He shall never cross this land again.

Last was him, the one at 2 A.M when I should have been studying. The him that I should have known had fangs, eyes and a heart of a beast. He was someone that made me think of a dangerous past I never want to live through again. So I told him the story of how I never should have done what I did. That it was a mistake to meet him that night. That I had someone that I loved and will always love. That when this works out, I will not speak to him again, that his roots are no longer planted in the garden we grew together. this invading species ripped up by the roots. We can once again reclaim that land.

I know that I can never fix the past, nor go back and change it. But I can take charge, control the past and make sure it never happens again. It is trust that I am recreating, a trust we worked so hard to create together. It is a trust I want to share once again. Though you have forgiven me, and I you, there is no recipe to heal the hurt of the past. But there are always remedies that will prevent those storms from ever happening again. So as my compass guided me to you, I clear the way for such a trust to be made again, to reclaim the past and make us whole again. Time has never felt so slow, but time can be utilized to tend our garden again. Though it still may not be perfect, for there are still weeds left to be pulled. When you are ready, I shall be there and we can pull them together, and plant lilies in our name.

I love you and I shall see you soon.

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