9/9/99

 

First, Happy Birthday. Second, I love you. Third, how are you?

I stayed up till midnight, even though the sleeping pill was kicking in, I had to stay up and give you the biggest happy birthday ever. It’s only fair for someone I love as much as I love you. September has become my favorite month, not just because it is the month of your birth, but because it begins showing the first signs of fall. The trees start changing to the reds and oranges that they’ve been waiting to flourish into. It reminds me of the plaid flannels we picked out together, and wore to the pumpkin patch just a month later. It reminds me of hot chocolate and coffee, snuggling together by the TV, all cozy like, relying on the warmth of each other to get us through the fall bite in the air. September gave me you, it gave me us, and I thank September for it.

But September compares also to the month of May. My birthday, also the 9 (ironic but comforting), but also the tenth the day we first kissed. The day everything changed in that car under the rain falling heavily with the nightfall in the parking lot of a Round the Clock. While September gave me you, May gave me to you, and thus gave us to us. I go back to that night every chance I get. When I kiss you repeatedly I can hear the rain around us, and I can feel the warmth of our lips meeting for the first time, and the mystery we held because as soon as we entered the restaurant, that moment in time became our own little secret. I’ve kept it ever since. Even though everyone knows we had our first kiss that night, there is still something so secret, so mysterious about it that we could never share with anyone. No one would ever understand unless they too had found the love of their life in a night.

I haven’t given up, nor will I ever on you and us. As someone who found love in a single night, who understood love and realized what it all was in a single night, I will never let that go. I will keep falling in love with you again, every night for the rest of my life. Waking up to you I love you Falling sleep with you, I love you. You getting frustrated because I’m an idiot sometimes I love you. The cycle will never stop, this full circle we have drawn together, hands held, guiding one another. A circle has no end and no beginning. It simply exists, it’s there and in many ways, we, together, exist and are here with no true beginning and no true end. We are a circle, always moving, always guiding, and right now I’m just trying to keep up with the current that you create. I find it inspiring, for it gives me the chance to be stronger, so we will meet in that circle again, and will never have to be afraid of letting go. Our circle will be the all-encompassing radiance of the sun, the ever-glowing light of the moon, and the ever-turning motion of the very world we stand on.

So, happy birthday Chuck, happy to see you September, and I can’t wait for the time yet to be spent together.

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